Emotional, hormonal and overly sensitive? - How about we change the narrative to not make pregnant women feel bad for their emotions.
Nothing irritated me more than hearing all of the negative-warnings of "Just wait until..." comments from other people.
"just wait until baby comes, you'll know what tired really is."
"just wait until your last trimester, you'll know what it feels like to be really big.'"
"just wait until your baby comes, you won't be able to do anything."
These are just an example of what kind of comments I and other pregnant women, especially first time moms receive.
Now, I totally appreciate the great intentions behind the action of sharing these comments, but I wanted to share that shifting the perspective can help women, new moms or not, feel more supported during this new life transition, rather than feeling unsupported, fearful, and nervous about becoming a mother.
I, by nature, am already an emotional person. If you believe in horoscopes, I am a Cancer sun, Scorpio Moon and Scorpio rising which, if you are aware, already makes me a quiet, emotional being that thrives on quiet reflection and intimate gatherings rather than large groups and loud environments. I already manage my emotions - I don't need you to tell me that I am emotional. Hormones or not, I'm going to cry at puppy commercials anyway.
But by telling me "oh, you're just hormonal", invalidates my feelings and expresses that my feelings period, because I am pregnant, don't matter.
I suppose I have been most bothered by this because I have had my feelings invalidated even while I wasn't pregnant. "Oh, you're so dramatic" or "Don't be so sensitive" were the comments I received.
Why does my ability to feel and be in touch with my feelings, emotions, and intuition?
I digress.
Māmās: It's okay to feel of everything. It's okay to say how you feel, no matter who does or doesn't agree. It's okay to feel everything.
If you're struggling to have a voice or if you struggle to share your emotions, I offer these suggestions to you:
Voice your thoughts, feelings and opinions. If you don't feel comfortable voicing your opinion to friends or family, take up writing to get your feelings out. Just as a bottle of soda will burst under pressure when shaken and agitated, you too sister can burst. Get your thoughts and feelings out as much as you can!
Write to your baby. When you're feeling overwhelmed and feeling low in emotions or negative thoughts of fear, etc., write positive, hopeful notes to your baby, expressing how excited you are to meet them, and how you can't wait to do all kinds of things with them. Whether you choose to give them to your child eventually or not, you're filing your heart up with joy and love, and that conquers any negative feels and thoughts every single time.
Get comfortable setting boundaries and saying no to things that don't serve you. Ask yourself "does this align with me and what I want out of life?", and if the answer in any way points to no, kindly decline with grace, and move on. You can do the Thankful Sandwich (what I like to call it), by thanking them for the offer, kindly decline, and again, thanking them.
Whether you struggle with managing your emotions because of the comments of others, or just struggle feeling okay in your feelings, or setting boundaries with people so you can be in your feelings (a.k.a. staying home, feet up watching The Office for the umpteenth time), know that you are not alone, your feelings are valid and you are always supported by me.
I would love to hear how you handle backhanded comments and/or how you managed your emotions while pregnant. Do share in the comments below!
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